An increase of divorce cases is seen across societies (Branch-Harris & Cox 2015; Manna, Doriza & Oktaviani 2021; Mohlatlole, Sithole & Shirindi 2018). According to Harkonen (2013), divorce (the termination of a marital union) continues to ravage people’s lives. Many of the marriages are dysfunctional (Sayers, Kohn & Heavey 1998). Although people desire to get married, staying married is not an easy task (Stewart et al. 2016). Some of the common causes of divorce are childlessness, early marriage, poor communication, high expectations, financial crisis, infidelity, and a lack of intimacy (Elijah & Yusufu 2020). Divorce is a stressful and psychologically challenging experience in life. Therefore, religion can serve as a powerful source of relief for individuals coping with stressful experiences like divorce. No wonder many people turn to religion when faced with life-threatening challenges.

Although one would expect that divorce would not be found in church, some of the people who divorce are people in church (Comfort & Chinyeaka 2018). Consequently, deciding to end a marriage to some religious people can be a hard decision to make mainly because of religious beliefs. It is ultimately leading to stress among religious people (McMahon 2018).

Guttmann (1993) has argued that religions have specific positions on issues of divorce, which tries to suppress its likelihood. Most importantly, research has shown that religious people, because of their robust moral beliefs and convictions in marriage, are less likely to divorce compared to less religious people (Tanaka 2010). However, as Senekane (1995) puts it, disapproval of divorce has led many couples in churches to find themselves stuck in unhappy marriages, which, in turn, affect their overall well-being.

As stated earlier, traumatic negative and positive effects of divorce have been documented (Mohi 2015; Nathanson 1995). Divorce can positively change the trajectory of a person. A high number of people reported being happier and more successful in their lives after divorce (Mohi 2015). To a certain extent, ending a marriage could be the best decision for some couples. Conversely, research confirms that divorce among church members have detrimental negative effects on their health as well as their spirituality (Simiyu 2021; Tanaka 2010). In addition, some researchers view it as a spiritual crisis for both men and women whose religious beliefs are challenged (Nathanson 1995). It is also argued in a study by Krumrei, Mahoney and Pargament (2009) that 78% of participants confirmed to have experienced spiritual challenges because of divorce. In a more recent study, the divorced felt ashamed and ceased attending church services because of their divorce status (Simiyu 2021).

Mitigating the effects of divorce among people in churches is therefore crucial. Tanaka (2010) has studied the significant and positive effect of church participation on the well-being of divorced members. Although there are various stress coping styles (Simonic & Klobucar, 2017), Sen, Colucci and Browne (2022) emphasised that religion provides comfort and coping strategies during difficult times. Nathanson (1995) also writes about religion as a source of strength. Spiritual well-being is important as it soothes the soul. In this article, we report the unheard stories of divorced people and how their experiences at their local churches affected their participation in church and their overall spiritual growth. This study contributes to the body of knowledge in the area of divorce.

The purpose of the study was to explore the lived experiences of divorced people in Pentecostal churches and the impact divorce had on their spiritual well-being. The glaring paucity of research about divorce in Pentecostal churches in Botswana has necessitated this study.

Narrative therapy was used as a lens to understand the experiences of divorced people in church. According to Hamby (2018:7), narrative therapy ‘provides a possible answer, gifting autonomy and authority to a population that is generally regarded as vulnerable and powerless’. The origins of narrative therapy were to allow the voices of oppressed groups in society to be heard and in this case, the divorced in church. Research has revealed that the divorced are mistreated and labelled. The experiences have detrimental effects on their overall well-being. The most popular narrative therapy techniques, according to Sudeath, Kerwin and Dugger (2017), include speaking and testifying, developing stories based on unique outcomes, finding unique outcomes, embodying conversations, speaking, and finding the missing but implicit in the story, using spirituality in narrative couples and families, and asking questions. Therefore, narrative therapy is best for this study because it allows divorced people to share their experiences, name the problem, and separate themselves from the problem. Divorce experiences can have unpleasant ramifications that can have enduring effects. Therefore, to regain a successful life, the divorced must visualise a new and positive perspective about themselves and refuse all the negative thoughts that are attached to divorce.

The technique of storytelling allows the problem and the client to be separated and these are the stories that try to define them. In this case, the divorcees distance themselves from their divorce status. Sharing of stories helps clients to organise their lives and make informed decisions. In turn, counsellors empathise in their quest to understand the clients’ worldview (Freedman & Combs 2008). The main role of the counsellor, therefore, is to uncover what stands behind their stories and lead the client to envisage the future. Counselling, therefore, can help divorcees gain happiness and live successful lives even after divorce, as observed by Mohi (2015). As Halligan, Chang and Knox (2014) put it, through narrative theory, divorced people visualise their divorce experience as distinct from their identity as well as recognise what they can and cannot control. This view about themselves will determine their healing process. Therefore, the main job of the counsellor is to dig up what stands behind their narratives or stories and help the clients to foresee the future positively.

The effectiveness of the therapy lies with the counsellor who builds a conducive and supportive environment that allows clients to generate discussion that has meaning out of the stories that they share during the session. The divorced therefore need supportive structures such as marriage counsellors to help them go through the process of storytelling about their divorce experiences. The counsellors play a supportive role of reassuring and assisting clients throughout the re-authoring process, to affirm as well as support new clients’ narratives (Hamby 2018; Lee 2017). Previously, narrative theory has been used by pastors among church congregants to help them co-construct new and alternative narratives in the light of God’s word (Skidmore 2002). Hamby (2018) also used this theory with children facing family transition because of divorce.

The study adopted a qualitative phenomenological research design in which the data were collected through in-depth interviews. According to Lester (2019), the phenomenological design approach is to illuminates the specific, to identify the phenomena through how participants are perceived by the actors in a situation. The approach assisted in getting a holistic picture of what real life is like for divorced people (Miles & Huberman 1994). Phenomenological design seeks to describe the meanings embedded in human experience to understand the essence of the phenomena investigated (Van Manen 1990). Phenomenology was therefore adopted to understand the lived experiences of divorced individuals and the impact of divorce on their spiritual well-being in Pentecostal churches (Rubin & Babie 2001).

Christianity is a broad religion with several denominations, which do not subscribe to the same doctrine. Hence, the focus of the study was based on one of the denominations, the Apostolic Pentecostal church. According to Owoeye (2008), Pentecostal church believes in the gifts of the Holy Spirit, which is evidenced by speaking in tongues as stated in Acts 2:1–13. Members of the Pentecostal church are taught to disengage themselves from all sorts of evil or immorality and rather embrace holiness as a lifestyle (Owoeye 2008). The study took place in three Pentecostal churches in Gaborone. Pentecostal churches across Botswana and the world over are fundamentally the same in the sense that they subscribe to the same doctrine of the word of God (Bible). The three churches used in this study have branches across all the major villages and cities in Botswana. It was therefore appropriate for the three churches to represent the Pentecostal churches in Botswana.

The study population was made up of divorced people, pastors and members from the churches. However, it was not possible and easy to find divorcees in some churches. Many couples would find it difficult to continue fellowshipping in the same church post-divorce. As a result, some had moved to other churches, while some had backslidden.

Purposive and snowballing sampling was used to select participants for the study. Eligible participants had to have been married for at least six months before they divorced; they had to be of age 21 years and above; they had to have been members of a Pentecostal church for a period not less than 12 months; participants had to include both male and female divorcees. A sample of six divorced, four male and two female divorced people, three pastors, 24 men and women were selected for the study. As the topic was very sensitive, the study relied upon the congregational pastors to set up appointments with the divorced and sought their consent to participate. However, an inclusion criterion was not only based on willingness to participate, but participants had to fit into the inclusion criteria discussed above.

The main data collection tool utilised in the study was in-depth interviews and focus group discussions. In total, nine interviews and six focus group discussions were conducted in Setswana, which is the native language of the participants, and the questions asked helped in obtaining in-depth accounts of the lived experiences of the divorced on their spiritual well-being. The interviews were later transcribed into English by the researchers. Interviews were conducted at the participants’ place of choice, such as their respective churches, while others preferred their homes. The interviews took an average of one and a half hours.

Content analysis of transcripts was utilised, and emerging themes were established. In line with the data analysis adopted for the study, analysis was performed in different stages. The data were transcribed and translated into English. When transcripts were read and reread, common experiences of the divorced became apparent. These common experiences were coded, grouped, and regrouped into themes. Finally, the major themes were used to define the lived experiences of divorced people and to determine the impact of divorce on their spiritual well-being.

Before the commencement of the study, the following research protocols were observed. Permission to conduct the research was sought from the University of Botswana Office of Research and Development (ORD) for ethical review and approval. Further permission was sought from pastors who served as gatekeepers from the three churches, and the participants themselves. The participants were informed about the purpose of the study and their right to decline participation at any stage of research, without any detrimental consequences. Those who agreed to take part in the study signed consent forms, and with their consent, their interviews were audiotaped. The recording was performed to ensure the trustworthiness of the data. Pseudonyms were used during data collection to safeguard their identity. Ethical clearance to conduct this study was obtained from the University of Botswana Review Board (No. UBR/RES/IRB/ GRAD/023).

When asked to share their experiences as divorcees in the church and members of the congregation, participants reported different psychological and emotional experiences. Table 1 shows some of the comments they made during the interviews.

The findings indicate that divorcees in Pentecostal churches experience a rollercoaster of emotions ranging from confusion, shock, and embarrassment to emotional pain or hurt and most of all loneliness. Shock, confusion, and embarrassment were the least experienced emotions with each emerging from three different interviewees. Hurt and/or pain was the second least experienced emotion as it emerged from three different interviews. Loneliness was the most experienced emotion as it emerged from four different interviews. While divorced people may be experiencing all these emotions differently, it is apparent that one emotion can lead to another, and a solution to one may also be a solution to others. It appears from these findings that loneliness is the most experienced emotion, which could be a breeding ground for emotional pain, shock, confusion, and embarrassment. The sooner the church responds to the problem of loneliness, the better the mitigation of emotional problems of divorcees. Those divorced individuals who had children in their marriages experienced additional emotional burdens resulting from the fact that they had to communicate with their divorced partners about children.

Under the social effects, four sub-themes emerged, namely a lack of communication, rejection, stigmatisation, and a lack of support.

Even though suspension is commonly practised in most churches, all participants revealed that divorce harms the spiritual well-being of divorced people in Pentecostal churches. Being required to step down from serving and taking part in church activities helped in their healing process. While the practice of debarring divorced people from serving is meant for their good as the pastors opined, some participants revealed that it affects their spiritual well-being negatively, while others felt it helped them grow spiritually. This was revealed in the comments shown in Table 6.

As indicated in the comments shown in Table 6, exclusion from church activities whether voluntarily or involuntarily bring in varied feelings such as condemnation, discomfort, guilt, while on the other hand it brought spiritual growth. The church doctrine promotes marriage for life or until death takes the other partner, which is the only time a married person is free from marriage vows. So, divorce goes against the church doctrine and makes the individual vulnerable and could easily backslide. While the Bible disapproves divorce, there are circumstances where divorce is the solution.

Findings also revealed that divorce leads to loss of assets, for example, house or cars. These may have negative spiritual effect on the divorcee because they may no longer be able to attend church and participate in spiritual activities as before. One of the participants’ view is shown in Table 7.

The study offers valuable contributions to the body of knowledge on the experiences of divorced people in church. Recruiting of participants was a challenge; some divorced people had moved from their churches, so it was difficult to trace them. As only three churches were used, the study’s findings, therefore, cannot be generalised across all the Pentecostal churches in Botswana.

The findings of this study can generate important implications and recommendations to enhance increased knowledge regarding the experiences of divorce on people’s spiritual well-being. Based on the findings, relevant programmes to support divorced people in Pentecostal churches should be an integral part of church’s goal. Pentecostal church people should practise what they preach by showing love to the hopeless like the divorced people. The view of the church concerning divorce should also be considered in the light of Deuteronomy 24:1, which is testament that divorce may have positive outcomes in some instances. The study could also be used as a baseline for future research on the effects of divorce on the spiritual well-being of Pentecostal Christians.